the one that got away?

somewhere in the sea of my lost boyfriends, there is a man that some hopeless romantics might call "the one that got away."

(thank god i'm no longer a hopeless romantic.)

he and i dated for a few months a couple years ago. he was gorgeous, funny, liberal, a die-hard packers fan with season tickets (my mom liked this best of all), and most importantly, he treated me like a princess without being overwhelmingly cheesy about it. in other words; he was perfect.

unfortunately, i was still hung up on a quite imperfect ex, so i stupidly ended it.

yes, i was an idiot. (though i'm not still kicking myself over it.)

fast forward a year later– we decided to become friends. we hung out, went to happy hour and live music, i attended his many house parties and we always got along fabulously. while my feelings for him never really died, i only felt them growing stronger with our newfound friendship.

so, one night at happy hour last summer, after a couple cosmopolitans, i found the courage to confess my lingering feelings to him. i was let down, but he seemed to leave the door open on us... it just didn't seem like the right time for him.

a couple of weeks later, after he confessed his feelings for one of my good friends to her, i knew the door had slammed shut right in front of my face.

our friendship didn't survive.

once again, fast forward several months to the present moment– he's moving hours away from the city to take a new job. he's invited me to a going-away party and he recently included me in a mass email about getting together for happy hour before he leaves.

i've been cordial with him, but i read the email, smiled and deleted it. there's no need to see him again.... i've already gladly waved goodbye to "the one that was meant to get away."

see, that's the thing about being perfect. so many expectations to live up to, and so many chances to fall off that pedestal. his behavior during our friendship showed me that perhaps he wasn't who i thought he was, perhaps he never should've been up on that pedestal to begin with.

and now i know this door was meant to be kept shut.

scenes from a surprise party

i had so much fun planning and hosting a fabulous little birthday soiree for my most honored guest, my mom, on saturday night. here are some snippets of the action!

the rules according to brooke

a good friend (MSN.com) once told me that before you write a man off, you should give him at least three dates. the reasoning? the first date is like a horrible job interview (my single girls are nodding knowingly to this one). the second date is a bit more relaxed, but the third date is when you can really start to unwind and feel comfortable "being yourself."

this advice inspired me, as i'm always the girl to write someone off if there aren't immediate sparks. i need fireworks and blaring trumpets before i commit to a second date. unfortunately for me, i only hear trumpets with one type of man– The Jerk. (guess i should've realized a long time ago those trumpets were warning me, not encouraging me.) and since i am officially over The Jerks, i decided to give this bit of advice a try.

enter adam.* adam and i are the victims of a set-up by a mutual friend. (really, i don't mind set-ups. i just find it humorous how constant set-up attempts can sometimes be.) a few weeks ago, we met for a group happy hour at an uptown pub.... there were lots of people and we weren't able to talk a whole lot, but what i did learn of him, i liked. sweet, cute, nice, fit in well with my crazy girls (which can be nearly impossible to achieve at times), and my crazy girls liked him. there weren't immediate sparks on my end, but keeping my new rule in mind, i decided to give it another shot.

this past tuesday, adam and i met up at my neighborhood coffee house for a latte and conversation. the conversation flowed easily, and his dimples were much cuter than i remembered. although he was in a flirtatious mood and i was in full-blown political mode (the pennsylvania primary got me all hot and bothered, i was itching to go home and turn on CNN), we meshed well, and he humored me with political conversation. we ended our casual little date with a hug. no promises to see each other again, no kiss, no awkwardness.

i still wasn't sure i felt any sparks with him, but the next morning, as i made my coffee, i thought of him and smiled.

i guess there may just be a third date after all.


*name changed to protect the innocent brave enough to date me.

happy earth day!

at the risk of sounding like a tree-hugging hippie (which, really. who are we kidding. let's call a spade a spade here!), it is earth day and it's never been more important to celebrate and cherish the planet we live on, and continue the fight against climate change and global warming.

click here to learn how easy it is to "go green!"

and just in case you need some more proof.....

our old friend al can help you out with that.

curveballs.

as i sat at my college roommate's baby shower this past weekend, watching her open gifts, her pregnant belly and her excitement over welcoming her little boy to this world growing by the day, it all felt so surreal. i thought back to our freshman year in nelson hall, how we'd all giggle over our boyfriends and dream of the day we'd walk down the aisle, of what it would be like when we'd have children. it all seemed so far away, such a fantasy and now..... it's here. it's reality.

at least for her.

for me.... i ended my engagement years ago. i made the conscious decision to be the "single city girl" i was to everyone at the shower. i floated outside myself and thought of how different this picture could have been. i could've been married and pregnant (perhaps with a little one or two already in tow) right alongside her. i could've been one of the young mothers who knowingly sung the praises of the diaper genie. i could've been giving her advice on how to deal with stretch marks or a colicky baby.

instead, i soaked it all in. i oohed and ahhed over the gifts, held the cute little babies, touched her pregnant belly, truly hoping to feel a kick (no such luck), ate the fabulous cake, and when it was over, i got in my car for the two-hour drive back to the city. back to my single girl life, to a cocktail party fundraiser, which led to dancing uptown, which led to pizza and conversation at 2am.

and– as happy as i am for her, i was happy for myself as well.

happy friday!

with love, magnolia wilde.

it's oprah's world, we all just live in it!

Oprah Launches Own Reality

answers

so, right. you know that de-friended ex-boyfriend of mine? what i failed to mention is that before i went through with the de-friending process, i found out he recently moved into the building next door to mine. (through facebook, of course.) he didn't know where i lived, so it was all one crazy strange coincidence.

and after seeing his girlfriend walking home from his place one morning a couple of weeks ago, i knew i had the choice to either become a hermit, or get over it.

i chose to get over it.

i knew an eventual run-in with him was inevitable. and yesterday, when i got out of my car and saw him walking towards me, i knew i had yet another choice. dive under my car, or deal with it. deciding not to take the risk of looking absolutely ridiculous, i dealt with it.

we had a polite, short conversation about "our" neighborhood; then he went one way, i went another. as i walked away from him, i realized that my heart wasn't racing with the excitement of seeing him after so long, my mind wasn't filled with thoughts of "us," and i had no desire to turn around and jump into his arms.

most importantly, i realized that he had no idea who the person was that was just standing in front of him, talking with him. our encounter confirmed that i've evolved– i'm stronger, happier, (if not a little more jaded) and finally comfortable with who i am– not who i was with him.

walking away, i smiled to myself, because i knew it would all be okay. and i knew i would never again look back.

sunday funday

one of my absolute favorite things about being a single city girl is waking up with absolutely no plans, excitedly wondering where my day is going to take me.

sunday was one of those fabulously unexpected days. the early afternoon was spent browsing through the racks of my absolute favorite vintage store in NE with jackie, one of my absolute favorite shopping buddies. $20 and an adorable vintage outfit later, we walked out the door and celebrated my new find with an afternoon cocktail.... just because we could.

we ventured back into my neck of the woods to meet up with the boys at my neighborhood gay bar. it was a gorgeous day outside, and jackie and i happily chatted as we walked the two blocks to the bar. after a couple cocktails (and an incredibly amusing hour and a half), we walked back to my place for some girl talk on my front stoop. the sun was shining and it was even warm enough for me to shed my sweater, reminding me that summer is just around the bend.

i ended the day with some wonderfully trashy reality tv and settled into my big, comfortable bed, content and ready for my week to begin.

the art of de-friending

facebook should really come with warnings.

ever since i took the plunge and created a profile a year ago, facebook has been the enabler to my self-destructive behavior of checking my ex-boyfriend's profile. it's not that i necessarily want to, and it's not like we're actually friends. besides an awkward run-in at a regina spektor concert last year (where i also had the pleasure of meeting his young, blonde, cute and perky little girlfriend), i haven't hung out with him in ages.

but with facebook, his life is right there, an open book tempting me to turn its pages. curiosity killed the cat, and it's been killing me slowly as well. this aggravates me, and HE aggravates me. no, i should say his self-righteous status updates aggravate me. his constant facebook conversations with his girlfriend aggravate me. and the fact that i care is the icing on top of this beautiful aggravation cake.

STATUS UPDATES?? and FACEBOOK CONVERSATIONS?? is this what i really care about, what i let get under my skin? no no no no. this is not me. or at least it's not who i want to be.

so today, i took matters into my own hands. i de-friended him.

now, if i were to float outside of myself and look at this whole issue, it's really quite laughable. the fact that i carefully considered the act of de-friending him and the implications that it might have before i actually went through with it. really. who thinks that much about de-friending someone? or perhaps i should say– who cares that much what their crazy ex-boyfriend thinks of them?

not me. not anymore.

and you know– it feels good.

especially the part where i'm able to laugh at myself for all of this.

current obsessions, vol. 1

i started reading "a new earth" after josh convinced me it would change my life. as always, he was right.

the book really emphasizes the present moment, and the power of just being. i cannot believe what this seemingly obvious concept has done for me. i truly feel the "satori", or enlightenment, that mr. tolle talks about throughout the book.

from mr. tolle: "life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. how do you know this is the experience you need? because this is the experience you are having at this moment."

brilliant.

i fell in love with meiko after seeing her perform with the hotel cafe tour at the high noon saloon in madison, wis. last month. her voice was powerful and incredible, and it definitely translates from live show to CD. perfect to to play at full volume on a rainy day, candles lit, wine in hand.....



as everyone who's had any sort of contact with me within the last few months knows, i am an obama girl, loud and proud. this is not to say that i'm closed minded and i shun my friends who are mccain or even (gasp!) hilary boys and girls. i pride myself on being open-minded.

but i whole-heartedly believe that obama has the power to bring this country together and change the world. aside from his policy proposals and stances on the issues, i believe him to be one of the, if not THE, most inspirational people of the 21st century.

i am so excited to see the changes that 2008 brings in the political arena, and i am counting down the days until november 4. i'm also a strong advocate for exercising civil rights and responsibilities, so i encourage everyone to educate themselves on the candidates and VOTE!!

lessons from the gym

when i'm at the gym, it's always a treat for me to rifle through the plethora of magazines the Y keeps on hand for us pseudo workout "maniacs" who need to be distracted from whatever physical activity we are so painstakingly participating in.

the other day, i found an old issue of "O." since my love for oprah has recently been rekindled with her book club selection "a new earth" and subsequent online classes with the author, i happily picked it up and situated myself on the stationery bike. as i flipped through the contents, i came upon an article about venting and complaining.

i tend to be a major venter and complainer. anything and everything.... whether it be an annoying co-worker, the slow driver who just won't get over into the right lane, or not having enough of the precious "me time" i so cherish.

for whiners such as myself, this article suggested trying out a week of NO COMPLAINING OUT LOUD. this seems like a tough mountain to climb, but the author's points were very intriguing. to paraphrase her words:

1. when you feel yourself needing to vent, write down the complaint.
2. ask yourself, "what can i do to change this situation for the better?'
3. if there's nothing you can do, let it go. what's the point? and if there is something you can do– stop complaining and DO IT!

i love her suggestion of channeling negative energy into positive energy, and of simply letting go of the negative stuff we can't control. (however, she did emphasize the importance of every once and a while "letting off steam," so it doesn't build up inside and eventually explode. she just put doing so in a new light.)

i'm going to give it a try!

it's a simple concept, but i've become an avid believer in the fact that it's the simple things that have the power to change lives....and the big stuff will fall into place eventually.

"maybe it's the wings?"

i don't take getting a tattoo lightly. including my wings, i have three of them and each of them have incredible significance and a wonderful story behind them, the way i think tattoos should be. if done with careful thought and consideration, i think tattoos are a wonderful way to express who you are.

i was watching an episode of "LA ink" one night, and one of the women explained tattoos as such:
"each of my tattoos represents a significant time for me. they are the roadmap to my life."

my angel wings represent an amazing turning point in my life. on my roadmap, they represent the faith and strength that grow exponentially during a time of suffering and pain. they represent the constant possibility of change and evolution. they remind me that no matter what i'm going through, no matter how hard it is, if i find the strength within myself and keep my faith in god, i will get through it.

it's a nice reminder to carry on my back for the rest of my life.

this is my current single status....

i looked at this picture the other day, taken almost three years ago, on the rooftop of stella's. this was a favorite hangout of ours during that summer. this night, we decided to have a "true" bachelorette party.... meaning, we were all single and celebrating that status, loud and proud.

three years later..... one is married and pregnant, the other two are engaged and i am right where they left me– single.

i wrestle with the issue constantly. the questions seem to bubble up when they're least expected.

what's wrong with me? will i never be able to maintain a successful relationship? when is it MY turn? is it really okay to be alone?

lately, my answer to the last question has been more often than not: YES.

for the first time in a really long time, i am truly enjoying my life. the happiness is palpable. (i contribute that to the spiritual teachings i've adopted, regular workouts and the happylite. seriously.) that which i don't like about my life (i.e. my job), i'm taking the necessary steps to fix. that which i love..... my friends, family, leo, the city, happy hour, and "keeping up with the kardashians" (of course), i'm basking in.

but those questions will always be there, voices in my head i have to constantly remind myself to quiet. i've accepted this, and now i'm ready to move onward and upward. like it or not, it IS my turn!

what's next? who knows. but hopefully my journey will prove entertaining for all who decide to stay tuned in......