curveballs.

as i sat at my college roommate's baby shower this past weekend, watching her open gifts, her pregnant belly and her excitement over welcoming her little boy to this world growing by the day, it all felt so surreal. i thought back to our freshman year in nelson hall, how we'd all giggle over our boyfriends and dream of the day we'd walk down the aisle, of what it would be like when we'd have children. it all seemed so far away, such a fantasy and now..... it's here. it's reality.

at least for her.

for me.... i ended my engagement years ago. i made the conscious decision to be the "single city girl" i was to everyone at the shower. i floated outside myself and thought of how different this picture could have been. i could've been married and pregnant (perhaps with a little one or two already in tow) right alongside her. i could've been one of the young mothers who knowingly sung the praises of the diaper genie. i could've been giving her advice on how to deal with stretch marks or a colicky baby.

instead, i soaked it all in. i oohed and ahhed over the gifts, held the cute little babies, touched her pregnant belly, truly hoping to feel a kick (no such luck), ate the fabulous cake, and when it was over, i got in my car for the two-hour drive back to the city. back to my single girl life, to a cocktail party fundraiser, which led to dancing uptown, which led to pizza and conversation at 2am.

and– as happy as i am for her, i was happy for myself as well.