a reflection on some level.....

the other day, i was asked by a newly single friend, "do you think you'd be okay if it was just you for the rest of your life, if you never got married?" my answer only slightly surprised me– yes. i would be okay. not only that, i'd be happy.

i used to be the single girl who would look at my happily coupled friends and family with envious eyes, full of jealousy. i couldn't attend a wedding without feeling completely anxious that it would never be me; that my dad would never get a chance to walk me down the aisle. i would constantly wonder, "when is it MY turn?"

but somehow, over the past year or so, that question has quietly slipped out of my mind. the sight of a friend's new engagement ring no longer provokes anxiety that i might never have a diamond of my own; instead, i'm able to completely share in her happiness. i can go to weddings, smile at the happy bride and groom exchanging vows, dance the night away with my sister or a girlfriend, and not once feel the jealousy that used to consume me at these types of occasions.

call it a transition, a growth period, or just simply a matter of maturing– it feels good to feel content.

on a related note, last weekend, i had the chance to sit down with an ex-boyfriend for a candid conversation about love and relationships– our relationship, and those we've had with others. it was an interesting conversation, to say the least, and i actually took a lot away from it. the most important thing, however, was the absolute fact, now solidified in my mind AND my heart, that he and i are just not meant to be. a wonderful memory, a great love, someone who will always have a permanent presence in my heart– but one that was always meant to walk away from me.

and if there is someone out there who is meant to walk in and stay forever– i trust that he'll appear eventually.