deal breakers.

the other night, before my conversation with matt went deep and philosophical, we grazed the surface of things for awhile.

new(ish)ly single, matt had gone on a first date a few nights before. a thirtysomething "glamazon" (his word, not mine) from the suburbs, they met at one of my favorite happy hour places in suburbia.

he said she was nice enough, despite downing four glasses of wine, at $16 a pop. (seriously. who does that on a first date?) but there was one thing about her that was a complete deal breaker.

i was curious; matt and i have never had the "deal breaker" conversation. i wanted to know what his was.

"are you ready for it, brooke?"
"yes matt, i'm sitting down."
"she has fake breasts."

i was not expecting that one.

perhaps it's because i'm not a man, and therefore, i don't think like a man. perhaps it's because i've never really thought of a man as capable of having deal breakers, let alone ones that include surgically enhanced breasts. i've just always figured a straight man would chase anything in a skirt, and that nothing, big or small-chested, could keep him from doing so.

then again, matt is pseudo-straight. and i do hang out with many, many gay men. so what do i really know about the straight ones?

live blogging.... on the debate.

8:02 PM first debate! so, so exciting. goosebumps all over. (i'm just that girl.)
8:04 PM i really do wish obama would stop using the phrase "defining moment." i'm 100% behind you mr. obama, but. we get it already.
8:11 PM obama: "we need accountability, but not just when there's a crisis." preach on.
8:12 PM oh, a little humor! a self-depricating mccain joking about his old age! i love it. until i think of his old age, and the next-in-line being sarah palin, and then.... not so funny.
8:14 PM oh, spending in washington is out of control, mr. mccain? you must be referencing the $5,000 a second we're spending on the iraq war, right? okay, just wanted to check.
8:18 PM love the split screen. it's so rosie o'donnell/elizabeth hasselbeck!
8:19 PM mccain made a couple of funnies to himself. he he.
8:23 PM is it just me, or does obama's hair look significantly grayer? poor guy. this whole campaigning business has quite obviously taken its toll on him.
8:27 PM thank you for mentioning hybrid vehicles, obama. they are what i spend my weekdays pushing to the public and to the media. ahhhhh, and my work (hopefully) means something. soon.
8:32 PM "wrong-headed?" hmmmm, obama, use a different phrase please. you've got a lot of them in your vocabulary.
8:37 PM mccain: "i've fought unnecessary and wasteful spending...." ummm...like, $5,000 a second?
8:38 PM is this the third time mccain has used "miss congeniality" in reference to himself? just wondering.
8:30 PM first mention of sarah palin!! i've been waiting for this all night.
8:42 PM FOUR THOUSAND LIVES. so, so sad.
disclaimer: i am a liberal who fully supports our brave troops. but to me, troop support and administration support are two very, very different things.
8:45 PM uh oh, here comes the inevitable patriotism plug those conservatives are so fond of endlessly pushing.
***8:48 PM quick cake break, because i fully support obama's position that we need more troops in afghanistan. chocolate will just help this broken record go down a little easier.***
***8:52 PM leo looks at me with eyes of judgment, like perhaps i shouldn't be eating said piece of cake. need to run to the kitchen to get him a treat.***
8:59 PM can someone please explain to me what "failure" means in terms or iraq? i mean, there are no weapons of mass destruction. sadam hussein is dead. isn't it time to move those troops to afghanistan and focus on the taliban and finding bin laden?
9:00 PM obama mentioned green bay.... he's got my mom's vote.
9:05 PM the right-wing use of the politics of fear is so incredibly frustrating.
9:08 PM diplomacy should be the cornerstone of foreign policy. YES. WE. CAN.
9:17 PM i'm really surprised the fact that russia is neighbors with sarah palin hasn't come up yet.
9:24 PM yep. 90 minutes is definitely long enough for a debate. my ADD is totally kicking in.
9:26 PM oh no. the inevitable 9/11 question.
9:36 PM yes we can, mr. obama. YES WE CAN.

signing off... hope you've enjoyed.

40 days.

the bigger picture.

about that whole meltdown/resisting change thing.

last night, though i wanted nothing more than to sit at home and wallow in my resistance, i decided that it might be a good idea to get out and join the three-dimensional world. at least for a little bit. my pseudo-straight friend matt invited me to see a movie with him, so i left my self-pity at home and headed uptown to meet him.

a little early, i casually strolled from my car, enjoying my surroundings. i passed the vintage theater, where a group of enthusiastic and passionate people were holding an obama campaign event. next door, the greasy dive bar, home to my absolute favorite breakfast in the whole world, brimming with patrons. leaves on the ground, cars passing by, people in the midst of conversation and laughter.

so, so lovely.

by the time i met matt at the theater, our movie was sold out. deciding not to part ways, we went to the independent instead and had one of those unexpectedly fabulous and deep conversations over red wine and hummus.

i guess sometimes it does pay to step outside your door and into the bigger picture.

deep breaths.

things are feeling very.... unsettled. life is changing very quickly, or at least little parts of it, and it's left me anxious, unfocused, irritable and feeling very much off balance.

i'm not a person who adapts well to change. i welcome my weekly routine of work. i love that every wednesday night is 'project runway' night with my friends and that every sunday afternoon is set aside for my weekly grocery shopping trip. i'm perpetually five minutes early to everything and i haven't changed my shampoo brand in years.

ummmm.... can you say 'neurotic?'

i hate to say, 'i can't help it,' because really. i can. there's no excuse. i'm 26. it's time to be a little less rigid, a little more go-with-the-flow.

so... what's the solution? therapy? running? the happylite? another eckhardt tolle book? taking wheat out of my diet?

eh. maybe there aren't any solutions, any answers. perhaps it's just a matter of taking things a day at a time, not getting caught up in the whirlwind, and continuing to breath. deeply. through it all.

LGLM5K

on sunday, jackie, phil and i made our way to lake calhoun to participate in the first LGLM5K "walk around the world." held in honor of liz goodman logelin, a wife/mother/sister/daughter who was taken too soon.

a beautiful day honoring a beautiful life.


read more about matt, liz and madeline at matt's blog.

happiness is....

recently, i came across a facebook group created solely for its members to upload pictures of what makes them happy. being the little stalker that i am, i perused the album and found myself smiling at all the pictures taken in moments of pure happiness. inspiration set in and i made a little album of my own random happy moments.... enjoy. and cheers to a beautiful weekend.

project runway night turned political.

age ain't nothin but a number.... is it?

this weekend, my low-key saturday night turned into lively conversation when a few unexpected visitors dropped by. after a considerably mild conversation about the recent happenings in the world of politics, talk turned to my friend's recent date. a first date. with a 20-year-old. (he's 27.)

reactions were mixed. the age gap is too large (one friend); it's fine (me, speaking from the experience of dating older men); "if you can get it, hit it!" (my best friend... though i think at this point the margaritas were speaking for her.)

one friend brought up the double standard of dating outside your age range; while it's seemingly fine for men, it's considered distasteful and borderline humorous for women to do the same thing. i mean, think about the nicknames that are affixed to the genders; men get nicknames like "playboy," and women are stuck with the often joked about infamous "cougar" nickname. (though, according to my friend, i'm still a "puma"... the cougar nickname will not be bestowed on me until i'm at least in my late thirties.)

fast forward to sunday night. after shopping for arts & crafts supplies (no, that is not a typo), jackie and i met up with my cousin miranda and her friend dan for a casual happy hour. i'd met dan before, when miranda brought him along to my birthday party, and though i thought he was incredibly gorgeous then (tall, dark and handsome= my type), i didn't really get to talk to him until last night. our conversation bordered on the flirtatious, until he revealed his age.

23. NEWLY 23. (confirm with jackie; i rather inappropriately balked at this.)

now, i've always been the girl to date older men; younger men (and men that graduated high school the same year as my baby sister nonetheless) have always seemed a little too high-maintenance for me, and i've always laughed off the idea of getting involved with one of them.

but really. he's gorgeous. and funny. laid-back, easy to be around, loves football and is a total obama supporter. so what if he's 23.... right?

whether or not this puma is going to pounce remains to be seen, but the bear hug and kiss on the cheek from dan at the end of the night has spilled over into lots of smiles today.

september restaurant club.

my friend abby is one of the most fun-loving, hilarious people to be around, so it was no surprise that she chose the chatterpox pub, a quirky bar known for its ample supply of board and video games for entertainment, as the meeting place for september restaurant club.

the girls and i walked in to my mom and her best friend giggling and sampling the different microbrews chatterbox has on tap... a scene that always guarantees a fantastic night and lots of good stories!

the majority of us settled on the chatterbox speakeasy lager, while lisa and deanna sampled a couple of the fun, unique drinks chatterbox is known for (deanna's strawberry lemonade mimosa looked like heaven in a glass).

perusing the menu, i found myself having an incredibly difficult time deciding what to order. while one may expect the typical bar food at a bar, the chatterbox is far from typical. i settled on the mediterranean burger, with sun dried tomatoes, feta and basil pesto mayo on focaccia bread. i think it goes without saying that the meal was absolutely delicious– i devoured every single bite. while this is not far from the norm, the food was on a different caliber than that served at other bars, and there were about 15 other menu items that went on my "must try next time" list.

after dinner, below the lights of the revolving disco ball, as karoake was being set up beside us, we played a round of apples to apples before calling it a night. but it's definitely not the last the chatterbox will be seeing of us ladies!

decisions, decisions.....

99% of our lives are comprised of choices. which career, where to live, who to marry, how many kids to have.... these are the big choices. the ones that present themselves very rarely throughout our lifetime, yet the ones that seem to define us the most. (or at least society's view of us.)

the little choices– the ones we make every day– don't seem quite as significant. but often, they bring about the most significant life experiences.

applying for the communications job with the nonprofit in the suburbs, not knowing it was going to bring me the most tumultuous (and passionate) year of my life.

deciding to give friendship a try with an ex's ex-girlfriend, not knowing she'd deliver life-altering (and life-saving) news to me during our first meeting.

adopting a cat on a (somewhat careless) whim, without realizing how much crazy love i'd have for him, even with MAJOR lack of sleep (thanks to his ongoing nocturnal habits).

driving up to fargo, not knowing it was going to cost me my old car... and bring me a wonderful, new, reliable one.

what if i made these decisions differently? what if one little aspect of them were different? would i be happier? healthier? richer? poorer?

normally, i try my hardest to stay out of the past and just simply be in the present. however, i find it fascinating how much of an impact these seemingly "little" everyday choices have on the bigger picture of our lives.

*part of this reflection stems from the book i'm reading for book club this month. check it out. it's definitely a worthwhile read.

the modern day fairy tale?

call it a breakthrough of sorts. these words escaped my mouth last night, during a teary conversation with a friend over yet another man come and gone.

"i don't want a man to treat me like a princess or put me on a pedestel, nor do i want a man to constantly kick me to the ground. i just want one to treat me like an equal."

and so it continues.