a letter to my 18-year-old self.

after reading a couple of these by other people, i was inspired to write my own. i encourage you to do it for yourself!

slow down. enjoy being young, enjoy having the ability to schedule your day around soap operas instead of business meetings. quit hating the dorms and wishing for graduation day to come; it will come soon enough. too soon.

you think you're too fat and i know you cried when you ripped your prom dress after trying it on, but trust me. you're a skinny bitch. seriously- have another cheeseburger and don't worry so much about getting curves- you're already late to the game in getting them. embrace it honey- they're only going to grow!

your gut reaction to his proposal was the right one (in fact, your gut reaction to everything is almost always the right one, so trust it). and although it may have taken you longer to realize it than i wish it would have, you'll get there. you'll realize that as wonderful of a guy as he is, he's not YOUR wonderful guy. and that while letting him go might hurt both of you for awhile, in the end, it'll make you both happier than you ever could have been together.

and then you'll get your heart broken and then you'll get it broken again. and there will be moments when you find yourself unable to get off the bathroom floor, questioning your existence in this world, because of one man or another. but you will pick yourself up. eventually, you will learn how to move on. you might not be as innocent as you once were, but you'll also have gained something you didn't have before- perspective.

and the perspective is that if you don't love yourself first, no man ever will. and even if he does, it won't be worth it. you shouldn't look outside for something that is already within you. and only when you realize this is when you'll be truly happy. you'll work damn hard every day of your life achieving this, but you will be happy. it will take work, but it will be so, so worth it in the end.

(just remember that happiness doesn't always come easily. you will stumble again, you will have to learn how to pick yourself up again. but it is in those times you gain the most strength, so cherish those bad times just as much as you cherish the good ones.)

shit will happen. people will die and it will be horrible. and when that happens, be there. be there for the people that you love. because one day, you will need them too. (and we really are all in this together.)

accidents will happen, as will fights with friends. but that cheesy cliche is true- this too shall pass.and the ones that are meant to be in your life will be.

mostly, just know that even if it doesn't seem like it at the time, everything will be all right.

oh, and don't ever take shit from anyone.

with love,
27-year-old you

i think it's fall....

pumpkin patch in the middle of WI, picking up some delicious fall goodies...

super creepy pumpkin face...

packers vs. vikings!

this is how we react to a vikings touchdown.

fives...

i'm currently having a lack of “inspiration,” so i'm stealing some from my best friend….here are some FIVES. just for fun.

five yummy things:
1. caprese salad with toasted bread
2. crab cakes and couscous
3. samoa (girl scout cookie) ice cream
4. tofu massamun curry (especially from here)
5. cabernet sauvignon

five songs I know by heart:
1. “lucy in the sky with diamonds” the beatles
2. anything by britney spears
3. “samson” regina spektor
4. “99 problems” jay-z
5. “everything’ll be alright,” joshua radin

five places I would like to escape to:
1. a beach somewhere (anywhere) in spain
2. west village, new york city
3. a kayak in the middle of lake of the isles
4. that place in aruba where i went snorkeling…= heaven
5. haight and ashbury, san francisco

five things I would never wear:
1. wranglers (sorry dad)
2. a bluetooth headset
3. an ed hardy shirt
4. a short skirt with a low-cut top
5. sneakers and a suit

five favorite TV shows:
1. the office
2. grey’s anatomy
3. keeping up with the kardashians
4. chelsea lately
5. larry king live

five things I enjoy doing:
1. music, red wine and cooking
2. knitting (while watching trashy TV)
3. reading
4. walking through my neighborhood
5. spending time with friends and family…especially at happy hour

five favorite toys:
1. blackberry (ugh, i hate that i'm so addicted)
2. macbook
3. nintendo 64 (only for mariokart)
4. ipod
5. swiffer wetjet (this makes me old)

the match diaries- entry #4.

this is it, kids. i'm shutting the book on online dating... at least for now.

date with match guy #2 finally happened on tuesday night- happy hour margaritas at the tex/mex bar in my neighborhood. i don't think i've ever had a less enjoyable time with a margarita in hand.

not that he was necessarily BAD... he was cute. nice. beautiful smile, which is my favorite thing about a man.

but he talked about himself the. entire. time. i gather it was more from nervousness than arrogance, but he did not ask one question to compliment the 47 that i asked him. forty long minutes into our date, i decided to stop interjecting about myself (i.e. he talked about his brothers, i naturally told him i had a sister) to see if that would make him realize what he was doing and ask a question or two. not so. when he was done talking and i was done commenting on what he was talking about- silence.

so. when my margarita was finally (finally) done and the bartender asked if we wanted another, i politely but quickly declined. match guy paid the tab, walked me to my car and asked me out for another date this weekend. i told him i was busy (the truth), dodged what i gathered to be an attempt at a kiss and slid into my car.

i'm still trying to decide if i want to give him one more shot (only because his demeanor did not appear to be arrogant in the least...and i do really dig a beautiful smile), but i'm weighing the possibility of it turning into something great versus making myself sit through another bad date.

and so i say goodbye to match and its futile attempts at setting me up!

and just like that...

i'm home.

the move went well, thanks to all the big strong men i had helping me. this is (hopefully) the last move until i 1. buy a house, or 2. move in with a boy. (which is more likely is anyone's guess.) i am loving my new home and the fact that the move is behind me.

and what's ahead? workworkwork. a couple of potential dates. a 5K and a gala. and lots of time spent in my new cozy apartment.

the match diaries- entry #3.

in three weeks, we launch a huge virtual client conference at work. which means crazy hours and lots and lots of work. in a little over one week, i am packing up and moving myself and leo to a new apartment. and through all of this, i am supposed to find some time every night to sit down with match and go through the emails and the "winks" i've received and try to find a suitable suitor.

needless to say, i've had to force myself to do so... and it most certainly hasn't happened every night.

so.cal guy mentioned in the previous match post fell to the wayside. my guesses as to why? his lack of interest and my lack of caring.

i've been emailing with a nice uptown guy these last couple of weeks and just hit the "send" button on an email requesting a happy hour date this saturday night.

other than that... i've got nothing. oh, except the fact that two real-life guy friends have found me on the site. one wished me luck and the other told me i "shouldn't be on here" and that i was "far too nice and pretty to not have a guy."

i'm not quite sure how to respond to that. except that yes, i AM far too nice and pretty, which is why i haven't settled for the ugly d*ckheads (okay, none of them were ugly) i've dated thus far. and what's a nice, pretty girl to do except turn to technology for help?

as my mom tells me, i really to need to "get over myself." :)

happy dating/working/moving!

the match diaries- entry #2.

the first match guy threw out his number a week ago.

a marketer from southern california transplanted to minneapolis, he captured my attention with his witty email rapport. i wasn’t sure how it would translate from email to the phone or in person, but i decided it was worth the risk, so i threw my number right back at him.

we talked on saturday as i was decorating for the birthday bash. we texted multiple times on saturday night (hey, that’s what happens when you give the birthday girl a liquid concoction labeled “curiouser and curiouser...”) and on sunday morning, he asked if i’d like to do brunch. i paid my $60 dues to match for a reason- what the hell, right? we decided to meet at noon at a favorite brunch spot in uptown.

he was just as witty, sweet and smart in person as i originally found him to be online- and he had cute dimples to top it off. i was running through random online dating horror stories in my mind as i sat across from him... but then he asked if i wanted to taste his tomato basil soup, smiled his cute smile and held out his spoon for me.

a good sign, right? who knows. i like him. (i think) he likes me. despite my crazy over-analytical mind, communication since sunday brunch has been...simple. sweet. funny.

a good first match, if i do say so myself.