the game.

if he doesn't want to see me, then why even ask to see me? am i just some fun girl to drunk text on saturday night? is he too shy to actually follow through on plans?
 
is he just not that into me??
 
i've asked all of these questions before. with the same man nonetheless. (i had a crush on michael four years ago; we lost touch up until a few months ago. since then he's been texting and emailing regularly, and has even made a couple attempts at plans with me-- none of which he's ever followed through on.)
 
but there's a difference between my 22-year-old self asking these questions and my 26-year-old self asking them. before, i would exhaust myself trying to come up with the answers. now, i don't care what the answers are.
 
i. don't. care.
 
the game has been fun. it really has. all of the questions, the unknowns, the "i-wonder-when-he'll-call"s, the great sex followed by three weeks of no contact. wondering which card you're going to be dealt next, hoping to land the right cards and win the game. i've loved it; i've thrived off the drama of it all.
 
but i'm done with it. i want to use my get-out-of-jail-free card, i want to jump off the board, i want to stop the drama and i want to be REAL.
 
the game stops now.