new year, new leaf.

last night, i entered new territory. perhaps territory i should've stayed away from, but now that i've been there, i'm happy i went.

a few texts and phone calls between myself and mutual friends, and my roommate and i were headed to the ex-whatever's apartment, to hunker down under blankets and watch a few comedies.

he and i politely acknowledged each other upon my arrival, and then i spent the majority of the evening talking with friends as he inched closer and closer to me on the couch.

i inched closer and closer away.

when the time came to leave, i found myself alone with him.

i asked him how he was doing.

"i'm okay. i've got my shield up."

(these words went straight to my heart.... no matter how crazy he is, i know buried somewhere inside of him is a good man. a scared man.)

i thanked him for having us over and told him it was good to see him.

"you know.... you can stay with me if you'd like. i promise i won't try anything. i'd like you to stay."

i smiled, gave him a hug, turned, and walked out the door.