excuses, excuses.

there are a lot of explanations for my absence, as i've been a busy woman these last few weeks. what have i been up to and why have i stayed away for so long? a few reasons.

1. new job with incredibly restrictive internet access.
2. new job which has me actually working 8-9 hour days.
3. new "boyfriend" (i use the term loosely as i'm dating a commitment-phobe rockstar..... which has opened a whole new set of issues for my therapist and me to discuss).
4. re-living the glory days of my 21st year, i.e. transforming myself into a nonstop social butterfly. which, at 26, has given me dark circles and a nasty cold i just can't overcome.

so, there you have it. if you told me i'd be at this very place when i began the blog in april, i might have laughed at you. dating a rocker?? working in the finance world?? and, most surprising of all, taking public transportation and crossing over into the "other city" (otherwise known as st. paul)???

so weird. yet so, so wonderful.

stay tuned.................................

we're all in this together.

(i think ben lee says it best, so i'll just let him write this one.)

woke up this morning
i suddenly realized
were all in this together
i started smiling
cause you were smiling
and were all in this together
im made of atoms
youre made of atoms
and were all in this together
and long division
just doesnt matter
cause were all in this together

i saw you walking
in the city
were all in this together
the city's changing
cause we are changing
and were all in this together
every twelve seconds
someone remembers
that were all in this together
in the kitchen
of your rent-control apartment
were all in this together

i know you think
about jumping ship before it sinks
but were all in this together
ask a scientist
its quantum physics
were all in this together
and on the subway
we feel like strangers
but were all in this together
yeah i love you and you love her
and she loves him
but were all in this together

you know baby
theres never been protection
in all the history of human connection
cmon darling
its alright to show me
you dont ever need to be lonely
once you start to open your heart

i saw you crying
i started crying
cause were all in this together

and then religion
its a big decision
but were all in this together

were all in this together

scaling the wall.

how do you keep your past from sneaking into your present?

he and i were done so long ago, and yet he's still right in front of me, a wall i can't seem to scale.

i don't think of him every day anymore. when i do think of him, it's either to smile at a rare sweet memory, or to remind myself of how far i've come since i put him in the past.

but when the new man in my life is sitting beside me, so is he. when the new man is telling me how much he likes me, i want to believe it, but he is telling me i don't deserve it, and the new man will only hurt me in the end. he's an ever-present presence, a wall preventing me from letting myself fall.

i want to fall. i want to put the past where it belongs and be in my present. but how to get rid of the ghost?

i only wish it could be so easy as to "just let go." because that's the thing about just letting go– it takes an awful lot of work.

yes we did.

first on my task list this morning? sending out a press release for my organization in which i wrote the words "President-elect Barack Obama."

of all the words i've written, these are the sweetest of them all.

happy election day– update.

a long line and a little over an hour later, and my vote was officially cast.

i've voted in every single election since turning 18, and i've never been more proud to stand in line and let my voice be heard than in this one.

perhaps it's because my world view is a little broader, perhaps it's because with age i've become a little wiser. perhaps it's because this time i believe my vote will truly change the world.

today, i cast my vote for all the women that fought so hard for so long for the right to vote in this country.

i cast my vote for all the women (and men) around the world that are still struggling for this very right.

i cast my vote for the troops that are fighting so hard to guarantee this freedom, and all freedoms, so their fighting is not in vain.

i cast my vote because i am so grateful to these ancestors, to my peers, for giving me the right.

happy election day.

no matter what your beliefs, no matter what "side of the aisle" you're on, no matter what gets you to the polls, just get there. and vote.